Love Without Finish Lines: The Sacred (and terrifying) Dance of Vulnerability

Written By: Brad Pedersen 

I didn’t know it at the time, but the most significant moment of my life would begin in a college hallway. An ordinary walk that eventually led to a brief conversation. No fireworks or symphony playing in the background. Just a simple passing encounter that would change the course of my life forever. That’s when I met my wife Kelly and the picture above was taken shortly after we met.

Looking back now, I can see just how lucky I was. It would prove to be more than the start of a relationship—it became the beginning of a journey where I would eventually find out what it is like to be truly seen. Not for what would eventually show up on my résumé or what I would later go on to achieve. But for who I actually am at the deepest level of my soul.

In the years since, through all the seasons of life that we’ve weathered, Kelly has become the person who knows me at a depth I didn’t even imagine was possible. And that depth—the experience of being fully known and still fully loved—has revealed something essential: beneath all our extrinsic pursuits and the striving to prove our worth, there is a deeper human need. A need to be fully seen and understood.

Not All Relationships Are Equal

Human relationships exist on a spectrum of depth that are influenced by 5 factors: shared values, time invested, mutual trust, emotional connection and vulnerability. 

The truth is that we only truly grow while in a relationship with others. By understanding the different types of relationships, it helps get clarity on where we currently stand—and where we should be more intentional in focusing on those that are meant for a lifetime.

1. Level 1: Transactional Relationships – These are functional, often short-lived connections like those with cashiers, delivery drivers, or customer service reps. They are efficient and necessary but lack emotional investment or lasting significance.
    
2. Level 2: Informational or Associative Relationships – Formed around shared spaces or interests, such as colleagues, classmates, or gym buddies. These relationships are created around a common theme or interest or and often serve a purpose.
    
3. Level 3: Relational or Companionable Relationships – These involve consistent contact and mutual enjoyment—neighbors, long-term coworkers, or hobby group friends. They offer familiarity and connection for a “season,”  but can become stagnant if not intentionally deepened.
    
4. Level 4: Intentional or Growth-Oriented Relationships – Built on mutual growth, shared purpose, and accountability. These include mentors, coaches, or spiritual and entrepreneurial partners. They are formed for a “reason” and are transformational, requiring honesty, alignment, and presence.
    
5. Level 5: Vulnerable or Soul-Level Relationships – The deepest and rarest form of human connection. These are marked by emotional safety, unconditional support, and spiritual resonance. Whether with a life partner, best friend, or soul-aligned mentor, these relationships are created for a “lifetime” and are a space where we are fully seen, accepted, and loved.

While each type of these relationships play a role in our lives, it is the vulnerable, soul-level relationships that we truly yearn for that are rare and hard to cultivate, but where we are invited into growth.

Beneath the Surface, a Deeper Longing

If we’re being honest, much of what drives us—whether in business, leadership, or personal ambition—isn’t just the pursuit of achievement. It’s the pursuit of identity and connection. Yes, we want our lives to matter. But more than that, we long to be truly seen. Not for our titles or accomplishments or the polished image we present—but for the unfiltered, imperfect truth of who we really are. And to be chosen anyway.

It’s easy to quantify wealth by what we have in a bank account or accomplishments in a resume, but how do we measure the wealth in our relationships?

While money is important, on its own it cannot define true wealth. Real wealth lives at the intersection of purposeful living and meaningful connections that in turn lead to lasting impact.  And the foundation beneath it all is relationships—not the transactional kind, not the performative kind, but the transformational kind. The kind that sees past what we have and what we do and embraces who we are.

What Culture Gets Wrong About Love

So what does it take to develop and cultivate real level 5 relationships?

Our culture tends to frame love as a linear path: romance, marriage, maybe kids, a house, graduation, retirement and blissfully growing old together. These are beautiful milestones, but none of them on their own are meant to be a destination. Love does not have a finish line we cross. It’s a dynamic, evolving process that is ongoing; and it thrives not through finding perfection, but through meaningful progress that can only come from being fully present in the relationship.

In fact, real love deepens not when we present our strongest selves, but when we reveal our most vulnerable selves. Our society has taught us to be strong and project we have it all together. As a result we believe that our goal is to impress. And with that we go out of our way to try and be impressive. However it’s our willingness to be vulnerable that builds real intimacy. 

We do not fall in love with someone’s résumé, but with their courage to be real; and we stay in love when we offer the same in return.  With my most intimate relationships, I have learned that real connection always requires taking a risk.

The Courage to Be Seen

Vulnerability is a term kicked around and often celebrated in leadership and relationship circles, but in real life, it rarely feels inspiring. In our most important relationships, it looks like saying the hard thing and hoping it won’t be turned against you. A willingness to stay open when retreating would be safer. It means allowing someone to see you—not the curated version, but the raw, unfiltered you.

As I have come to learn, this kind of exposure isn’t weakness—it’s strength in its most courageous form. Because revealing your inner world without any guarantee of being understood demands a level of bravery few of us are willing to risk.

And yet, here’s the paradox: it’s in those very moments—when we let others see our weakness and imperfections—that is when our strongest connections are formed. 

Vulnerability isn’t the enemy of strength…it’s the gateway to it.

From Transactional to Transformational

It’s often said that the opposite of love is hate. But anyone who’s been in a close, long-term relationship knows that’s not quite true. Love and hate can sometimes feel like neighboring rooms—both passionate, both engaged. What I’ve come to realize over time is this: the true opposite of love is indifference.

Indifference shows up when we disengage emotionally. When we stop caring. When our conversations shift from meaningful to mechanical. 

In my own relationship, I’ve noticed how easy it can be to slide into relational autopilot. Life becomes a series of logistics: What’s for dinner? Who’s driving to practice? Did we pay that bill? Routines settle in. Depth quietly erodes. And before long, the connection that once felt vibrant begins to fade into something numb.

But transformation doesn’t live in the transactional; It lives in the intentional.

That’s why my wife and I have developed a weekly rhythm we call “Cultivating our Garden.” It’s more than a ritual—it’s a framework for reconnecting. The word GARDEN is an acronym that guides us through a set of reflection prompts and questions. These aren’t just updates or check-ins; they’re invitations to be transparent, vulnerable, and real with one another.

This practice has become the soil in which our relationship continues to grow. It reminds us that connection isn’t maintained by accident—it’s cultivated on purpose. Each week, as we walk through our GARDEN conversation, we find ourselves moving from surface-level dialogue to soul-level understanding.

An Invitation to Begin Again

I encourage you to reflect on your level 5 relationships and especially the relationship with your life partner and ask the question: is the relationship at a level of vulnerability that fosters health and growth?

If your answer is “no” or you are unsure and you’ve been feeling a quiet ache—not for more accolades, but for more authenticity, more presence, more connection in the relationships that matter most—consider this your invitation to begin again. 

We believe a thriving life is not measured by what you do or what you accumulate, but by how deeply you connect in your most important relationships.  It is not about perfecting your relationships, but rather progressing them by being intentional in how you invest into them. 

If that resonates with you then I am happy to share with you the GARDEN framework. Simply respond to this message with the word “GARDEN” and I will provide you a complimentary copy.

In the end, the deepest desire isn’t to be admired—it’s to be understood. To be seen. And to still be chosen. That’s what it means to discover love without finish lines.

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