Have you thought about your death lately?
In a world of anti-aging skin creams and “30-days to a washboard stomach at 50,” contemplating one’s death certainly doesn’t feel normal or desirable. But what if it is a practice that could transform the way we live?
In his ground-breaking work “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,”, Stephen Covey said it in much more palatable way: Begin with the end in mind
I (Vijay) had the sober honour last year of doing a funeral for a woman in my church, who's battle with cancer (and a life full of challenges) took her life at the age of 88. She was born to a very poor family in a village of less than 100 in Greece and then lived most of her years in small-town Ontario. She and her husband were self-employed, running a local restaurant but achieving no great success or wealth, living in virtual obscurity. Despite this, her funeral service was packed with hundreds of people who boasted about knowing her and shared memories of the incredible impact she had made on them. I left that service in awe, certain that many others in the room were thinking what I was thinking: How do I live a life like that?
We would suggest then that thinking about your death is not morbidity but, in fact, wisdom. We don’t mean the actual details of your death but rather where you will be at, or who you will have become, by the end of your life. Covey’s assertion is that the best way to live your life now is in light of the final goals for your life. His thinking was analogous to Marcus Aurelius who wrote in his journal, “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” The best way to know what to do, what not to do, which investments to make, which things to consider most valuable, is to determine the ultimate goals you have.
Many of our previous issues have highlighted the fact that true satisfaction and blessing in life comes from having and achieving goals that are about people and not things; contribution and not consumption. Our conviction is that true satisfaction & meaning in life come when we are both growing and giving.
This means that to begin with the end in mind is to write our eulogy, not our resume.
Whereas a resume lists education, accomplishments & titles, a eulogy recounts relationships, character & impact. When someone gives a eulogy at a funeral or celebration of life, they are describing an individual's legacy - what they have built and what they are leaving behind.
In our experience, building a legacy takes a whole life-time to achieve; it cannot be quickly cobbled together in a few final days.It is the meaningful measure of our lives in terms of how we have consistently made a positive impact on the people within our circle of influence. hThe good news is that it’s never too late to start. As the saying goes, “The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. The next best time is today”. So what does this look like?
What if you started by writing what your eulogy would sound like if it was read aloud today?
WHO…
- Are the people that would say you have given the best of your energy, time and emotional capacity to them?
- Are the people who would not have much to say because they don’t know you that well?
- Are the ones who would refuse to speak or even attend because you have broken their trust or let conflict go unresolved?
This is your legacy of relationships.
HOW…
- Did you treat the people who worked for you and with you?
- Did you conduct yourself behind closed doors, on the road or when no one would know the difference?
- Did you respond to criticism, hurt and conflict?
This is your legacy of character.
WHAT…
- Are the things and services you have created which have improved people’s lives?
- Are the things you kept promising to prioritize but never got around to?
- Are the time and financial contributions you have made to people in need of the basics (food, shelter, clothing, justice)?
This is your legacy of contribution.
Your answer to these questions is probably a mix of healthy pride, some guilt and some uncertainty. That’s to be expected. We are human. But let’s not quickly excuse ourselves with sentiments like “hey, no one’s perfect” or “well, I tried.” Intention (motives, plans) is one thing, but Impact is another. Intention is what we feel while impact is what others will have as a result of our choices. We need to own both.
Instead, let this brief exercise of writing our eulogy spark a desire to write a better one; one that’s more holistic, that takes into account all areas of life, not just one.
Happy Writing!
