Issue #25 - Build your Legacy not just your Dynasty

“Brad, how is your heart?”  At that moment, I was under a lot of pressure and feeling shame over my recent business history.  I paused, my eyes welled up, and I started to cry. 

I’ll never forget that probing question. It comes to mind this week in particular as 

I just learned that my beloved grandma Keller, the matriarch of our family and the person who asked me that question, recently passed away.  It is bittersweet news, as she was such a gift of love, compassion and encouragement for anyone who knew her. However she was tired and looking forward to the afterlife where she would be reunited with many friends and loved ones.  

Still, my heart breaks as this follows a series of close losses our family has endured in recent years. Through this season of loss, I am reminded that the great paradox of life is that for all the joy, happiness and success that we hope to strive for; we need to be able to accept the pain, suffering and disappointment that is inevitable. They are two sides of the same coin and we cannot decide which side will be revealed, only how we will choose to respond.  

It is with a mix of grief and gratitude that I stop and reflect on my precious grandmother and her well lived life.  She was born in 1927 in a small German village in the Ukraine.  As a young girl she fled with her parents and siblings, from war and tyranny.  Their journey to freedom started out by traveling in a railroad boxcar and eventually boarding a steam liner headed for Canada, hoping for a better future in the New World.

They arrived in Saskatchewan, where from humble beginnings, they started a homestead.  I remember her telling stories of, living through harsh winters in a small home with no electricity and dirt floors. Eventually she met my grandfather and after getting married, they set off on a new adventure to establish a farm in Alberta.  Through years of hard work and persistence, they scaled this farm, eventually growing it to stretch over several quarter sections of land. 

Despite my grandfather passing away at an early age, my grandmother was determined not to sell the farm, rather to press on working it with her sons.  The resiliency, courage, faith and grit of my grandma, resulted in the Keller farm not only surviving but thriving, becoming well-known and respected in the community.

Now managed by my uncle, who is the third generation farmer, one could consider that the Keller farm has become a dynasty.  All that said, when I think of my grandmother, it is not the farm that comes to mind, but rather the legacy that she left behind on how she lived in relationship with others. 

If you had the opportunity and privilege to know my grandma, you would understand what it was like to be with somebody who gave selflessly and invested her time and attention generously.  Most importantly, it was how she made you feel, coming away from any engagement with her.

I have so many amazing memories of my time with my grandma and for this I am blessed.  One of my most memorable moments was shortly after my business had failed and I was living through some tumultuous dynamics with friends and family.  

I was in Alberta and I had stopped in to visit with her.  We were enjoying a coffee together which always included some tasty treats.  After getting caught up with current affairs on business, life and family I remember her stopping, looking me in the eyes and asking “Brad how is your heart? She was able to discern more than what I was letting on and as you read above her question struck a nerve.

I’ve always been perceived as a tough, confident and capable person, able to handle challenges and stress without showing emotion.   Somehow, she knew that behind the veneer of ‘togetherness’ I was portraying, that there was a broken heart that needed attention and she wanted to help me heal. 

This story characterizes what I have come to learn was commonly known about my grandma.   It did not matter what you did in the past, what your concerns were for today or what anxieties you were anticipating for tomorrow. Her present to you was her presence; where she gave you her undivided attention and most importantly her unconditional love and acceptance.  She was an impactful lady who focussed on growing her legacy through relationships and not as a result of building a dynasty of earthly gain.

While the farm is an interesting footnote of her life, her true legacy is as a result of the daily, simple and seemingly non-consequential deposits that she made into the lives of others. The many moments she stopped her work, to make a phone call or prepare a meal.  It was all in an effort to touch someone, connect with them, letting them feel loved, validated, seen and understood.  

In the words of Maya Angelou “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”  I think that truly sums up the difference between what it means to build a legacy vs pursuing a dynasty.  When we consider where we invest our time, most people are consumed with building their business and reputations and are mostly obsessed with empire and dynasty building. 

Consider your to-do list for today and ask what it tells you about what you prioritize? Review your calendar for the week; what does it tell you about what you value?  Examine what you’re thinking and learning about every day and what it says about where you are looking to grow? 

If you are like most of us and honest you will see just how much of your time is dedicated to activities that grow your professional pursuits and how little is invested in growing meaningful connections and relationships with others?  The thing is that in the end what you build here on this earth (like my grandmother’s farm) does not even matter.  What matters is your legacy and your legacy has nothing to do with your dynasty and everything to do with the people you help nurture, grow and impact.  

Your legacy is not one thing, your legacy is made up of what you do daily. It is built not by your business achievements, awards, status or accumulation of assets but rather by how you interact, care for and touch the people in your life.

As I consider how I steward this painful moment in my life I am reflective. I feel challenged to learn from my grandma what it really means to build a legacy and not just a dynasty. Her example compels me to strive to live in such a way that when I die, the people in my life will remember me in the same way that they remember her. Being celebrated for the lives that she  touched; how people were better as a result of knowing her but most importantly how she made others feel heard, loved and accepted. That is a  legacy that we should all strive for.

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