“So and so’s cat has a tik tok channel with 100,000 followers” was part of a conversation overheard at my dinner table one evening. My 3 teenage sons were wondering how this was possible and what they could do to get even close to that many eye-balls on social. As if my various injuries and my kids “touch of grey” jokes don’t make me feel old enough already (sigh), but this is the world we live in now.
In 1997, the Journal of Psychology Research on Cyberspace asked kids ages 9-11 to make a list of what they valued the most in life. They ranked “fame” as #15.
20 years later, in 2017, they ranked it as #1.
This is the same dynamic one might observe when asking a young person today what they want to be when they grow up. The answer many years ago would likely be a profession or a type of work; today that answer might be, or be directly associated with, “Fame” (e.g. Youtuber, Tiktoker, etc.)
And while the plethora of social media channels and internet sensations have contributed to this reality, let’s be careful not to simply throw teens under the bus, or assume that it’s a recent problem.
Maybe you’ve never said you want to be famous, but have you ever said or thought:
“I just want to be recognized for my work”
“I want to make a name for myself”
“Why am I constantly passed over?”
“I can’t believe “that guy” is getting such attention”
“How do I stay relevant?”
The reality is, no matter what age and stage you are at, no matter what profession you are in, the world of Web 2.0 has made what used to be considered unbecoming hubris to be an unquestioned goal; an admirable virtue, even.
The problem with this is that the pursuit of fame, a name, recognition or notoriety can distract us from better goals and a more truly satisfying quest. Consider the difference between:
Making a name for yourself vs. becoming your true self
Being well-known by a large group of industry peers and internet strangers vs. being known well by your loved ones and true friends.
Building a brand that is named in “Fast Company” vs. creating products and services that make our world better.
Being famous, making a name for yourself, building brands or being well-known aren’t inherently evil. That said, they're better left as a possible byproduct of becoming your best self rather than ultimate goals.
In my own experience, one of the best ways I have found to keep myself tracking towards the truly important goals (e.g. being known well by loved ones, doing work that makes the world better) is to keep asking “WHO” (not “what”). Fame is about what, not about “who”. It’s an idea, a thing, a status; when we pursue “what” items (usually focused on self gratification), we find that there is never enough. It is like drinking saltwater; not satisfying nor thirst quenching, always keeping us longing for more.
Asking “who”, however, keeps me focused on
- the people I want to be well-known to, and who I want to know well
- the people whose lives I want to improve, the target audience that will be better off because of my work.
- the people that are already in my sphere of influence (employees, stakeholders) rather than the nameless faceless crowds I want to be my fans.
According to John Maxwell, real success in life is when those who know you the best love and respect you the most. This requires living a life of authenticity when what I think and say align with what I say and do. Paradoxically in pursuing a life of fame, seeking recognition from the masses often comes at the expense of those that we claim are most important to us.
I’m asking myself today, where have I subtly substituted a goal of recognition, fame or notoriety for an all-important “who” in my life?
