In last week’s newsletter, I explained how my focused pursuit of business and a broken parenting style almost cost me the relationship with my daughter. I explained the adjustments that I have since made and how that has led to what I am most proud of, which is enjoying exceptional relationships with my kids. If you missed it, you can catch up here.
Parenting while running a business is one of the hardest balancing acts I’ve ever walked. For years, I struggled to show up for my children the way they needed, making mistakes that nearly cost me my relationship with them.
However those failures taught me something profound: it is not about achieving perfection but rather about being present and making progress. Ironically progress is only made while we are advancing and along the way making mistakes. I have come to learn that mastery truly is forged on the mountaintop of mistakes.
Through trial, error, and being open to feedback I have failed my way forward. Most importantly I have spent significant time in reflection, through which I developed a framework that now guides me as a parent.
It’s called L.I.V.E., and it has become my compass for building meaningful, impactful relationships with my children. I believe it can also help you on your parenting journey.
A Framework for Exceptional Parenting
L: Love Unconditionally
Unconditional love is the cornerstone of any strong family relationship. It means loving your child for who they are, not for what they achieve. Placing conditions on your love creates wedges that can grow into relational barriers. That said, unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional approval—you can love your child deeply while disliking certain behaviors. True love requires honesty; if you genuinely care, you owe it to them to provide feedback on actions that may harm them. Love without truth becomes soft, while truth without love becomes harsh. Striking the right balance is essential.
I: Inspire Through Example
We cannot motivate others but we can inspire them with how we live. Children learn more from what we do than what we say. As Carl Jung stated “The most damaging thing for your kids is the unlived life of their parents.” I truly believe that the dreams deferred and the passions ignored—will be one of the most detrimental influences on your kids. They need to see you explore all your potential and possibilities by continually pushing outside your comfort zone. Show them by your example how to truly thrive, by becoming the fullest expression of yourself and living a life with more purpose, greater meaning and deeper connections.
V: Be Vulnerable
We only grow when we are in a relationship with others and that growth happens when there is a willingness to be vulnerable. Projecting an image of "perfection" creates barriers while vulnerability builds bridges. If you want to bridge the relational chasm with your children, they need to know that you’re human. Letting them know that you are facing challenges and making mistakes. Like them, you are also on a journey of growth and learning figuring out how to be the parent that they need. Being authentic, open and transparent while exposing your flaws (warts and all) will only foster trust and deepen your ability to meaningfully connect with your kids.
E: Create and Teach Through Experiences
While it’s essential to be a provider for your family, the moments your children will value the most are in lived experiences that you create and share together. These shared memories are built in two ways:
- Shared Experiences: Create moments of awe and connection—Like the picture you see above that was taken with my son, mountain biking together on a recent trip to Arizona. It is about intentionally curating activities where you have the opportunity to deepen your relationships through shared journeys. These moments need to be carefully woven with intentionality with a focus on the ROE (return on experience). When successfully executed, they will result in making meaningful and magical memories that you will deeply cherish.
- Guided Experiences: The easiest thing for you to do is to be a “snow plow parent,” using your resources to push the challenging experiences out of your kids' way. We need struggles to develop our strength. Don’t rob your children of the opportunity to grow. Instead, be the sage who helps guide them through their adversities, helping them turn them to their advantage. In the process they will build the character and resilience that they’ll need for living a fulfilling life. In the words of Frederick Douglas: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
Parenting isn’t about having all the answers—but it is about being present, paying attention and modeling the life you want your kids to lead. Show up with unconditional love, live authentically while guiding your children through life’s challenges with candour, care and honesty.
In my experience if you embrace the L.I.V.E. framework, you will benefit from what Kelly and I are most proud of in all our accomplishments: meaningful and deep connections with our children.
As you reflect on this week's topic, stop and ask yourself the following questions:
Which of the four principles in the L.I.V.E. framework—Love, Inspire, Vulnerability, or Experiences—do you find most challenging to implement as a parent, and why?
How do you currently balance providing guidance for your children while allowing them to navigate their own challenges and build resilience?
What strategies have helped you strike a balance between loving unconditionally and providing constructive feedback to your children?
