From Imposter To Inner Ally: How I Rebuilt My Confidence by Keeping One Simple Promise to Myself

A few weeks ago, my son shared a powerful reflection on how to build wealth measured in connection, vitality, and purpose. The response was overwhelming, and it’s clear his voice resonated with many. I’ve invited him back to share another piece, this time from his own personal journey with self-doubt, identity, and the quiet work of rebuilding trust with ourselves. - Brad

Written by: Brett Pedersen

Something I have wrestled with, and had to overcome, through almost every pursuit or ambition in my life is self-doubt. 

That little voice that lingers in the back of our heads saying: "Do I have what it takes?" "Am I good enough?" "I don't belong here." "They're going to find me out." "It was just luck." "No one else has done it; why should I be any different?"

Imposter syndrome, or as my coach calls it, "the saboteur," is the voice we will argue with the most throughout the course of our lives. After many conversations with my dad, I've realized this is something that never truly goes away. It's present at every stage, and we're all susceptible to its influence. But If this never fully goes away, how do we manage it? Where does it come from, and how do we win the argument?

In my recent experience, I've found that this angst is tied to my relationship with myself and my commitment to showing up. 

At the beginning of 2025, I was let go from a company I had worked at for three years. The initial hit was jarring and emotionally charged, but I quickly found myself full of excitement for the next chapter and this newfound autonomy.

I had been craving more independence and control in my life after years of grinding and doing grunt work. I was ready to chart a new and more ambitious course. My job helped me develop and hone many essential skills that I either didn't know I had or didn't know how to apply in a way that creates value in the market.  

Over the course of my tenure, I found there were responsibilities and tasks appointed only to me because "no one else could do them" at that level. This had me curious: if these abilities are rare and in such demand in my workplace, what are the odds they're valuable in the rest of the marketplace? Even then, I was battling self doubt and feared taking on a big and bold step. I doubted whether I had the drive or resolve to find success outside the security of a corporation and feared taking a different path. When the decision was made for me, I quickly became excited to find out what was possible.

Full of energy and vigor, I embarked on my hero’s journey, by becoming a freelancer. I worked my network and was able to stack up some quick wins with new contracts fairly early. I was flying high and full of confidence as I excitedly began working with my new clients.

But the honeymoon period was short-lived. With one of my clients, work became contentious and the contract ultimately petered out. This was a sobering moment, as I had banked on a lot more work and income coming from that opportunity. To make matters worse, my other client was entering into their slow season, which meant that there wouldn't be a lot of work coming my way for a time.

This was a tremendous blow to my self-esteem, and I found myself in a slump for the better part of two months. My motivation was at an all-time low, and I was conversing with my saboteur daily. "You messed it up." "You were foolish to think you could do it." "Landing those contracts was all luck." "You don't have the drive." "The other place didn't want you….why would anyone else?"

I felt like a failure, but this experience forced me to take a long look at myself and do some personal inventory. True, circumstance had knocked me down, but it was my own patterns of thinking and living that kept me there. I had been building a bad reputation with myself over the course of a few years, having developed bad habits and an attitude that was unbecoming of someone self employed. I didn't fully trust my plans or believe in my goals because of the person I subconsciously knew I was in private.

The Credibility Gap

The truth is: self-esteem is not believing we’re amazing or worthy, it’s the relationship between who we think we are and what we actually do. It’s our reputation with ourselves and how we view ourselves when no one else is watching. We are with ourselves every minute of every day, and we know whether the person in the mirror is worth trusting.

Every time we procrastinate or flake out on the private promises we make to ourselves, it becomes a withdrawal and a hit to our own credibility; leading to inertia and the shelving of our dreams and ambitions. In the scramble and busyness of my last job, I began making excuses and letting things that were important to me slide, creating a strained relationship. The more things I let slide, the bigger my anxieties grew.

I had taken some bold steps and reached some important milestones in both my life and career, but I wasn't keeping promises I had made to myself or being consistent enough to keep that momentum growing. 

It bled into all facets of my life, where I wasn't taking my fitness goals seriously or actively investing in my passion projects like stand-up comedy or building my own lifestyle and entertainment business. After much reflection, it became clear that I needed to make some serious changes to repair this strained relationship and rebuild my credibility. 

The credibility gap I'd created wasn't going to close overnight. But I realized something: every time I break a promise to myself, I widen that gap. Every time I keep one, I close it a little.

Earning our Own Respect

This past autumn, I made one of the most meaningful decisions of my life; I chose a life partner. It’s been the most exciting and significant step I’ve taken, and with so much on the line, I knew I had to fully commit to becoming the best version of myself.

What became clear is that continuing to listen to the voice of the imposter wasn’t serving me. While I can’t change the past, I do have the agency to shape the future.

My father has taught me a lot (including how to fold a pocket square for my wedding suit) and he has often told me "The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago. The next best time is today." It is a simple reminder that no matter where we're at in life, it's not too late to start taking action and building trust within ourselves again.

He’s also challenged me to start small and keep it simple: make one promise to myself each day and follow through. Each kept promise is a deposit into self-trust, and over time, our brains begin to adjust. We start believing what we say and build momentum toward who we’re becoming. As he often says: "The one person's word you need to believe…. is your own."

I realized in my slump that I needed to show up to be a better partner to myself, by starting to honor my own commitments. I broke things down into small, manageable steps and started following through on the private promises I made to myself. 

As a result, over the past few months, I've had more business opportunities come my way and I'm making meaningful progress in my passion projects and personal goals.

Although my confidence has grown and I've created some real momentum, the battle with self-doubt is still ongoing. 

As I have learned, it never fully goes away. It's a process of constant course correction and realignment, but there's some comfort in knowing that. This is a normal struggle for those who dare to dream and try, and the more we follow through for ourselves, the less we listen to the voice of the saboteur.

Start Today

If we're stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, it's not because we're broken or imposters; it's because we've lost trust in ourselves. We're human and we steer off the path in our relationship with ourselves from time to time.

The good news? We can start to rebuild our self-credibility right now.

We don't need a complete overhaul or an overnight fix. We need to start making simple, private promises to ourselves and keeping them.

Where am I lacking credibility with myself?

What promises have I made to myself? 

Have I followed through?

What’s one simple promise I can make and keep today?

Everything in life compounds, either for us or against us. It comes down to getting clear on what you truly value and then a willingness to start being intentional with how we live that honors that. 

Whether it's taking the first steps to starting a business, spending 30 minutes on that passion project that keeps getting put off, showing up to the gym this week, or prioritizing quality time with our families; we all have the ability to make the small deposits required that will create the big changes in our lives toward achieving our goals.

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